Bullying in Children with Aspergers Syndrome (AS)
by Helen Beeley (Mother 3 sons — 2 with Aspergers)
This article was written based on information given by Tony Attwood in a seminar in June, 2007. I apologize to Tony if I have misquoted him, or quoted him out of context.
The Seriousness of Bullying
Tony Attwood takes bullying very very seriously. Tony Attwood reported he has counseled Vietnam Veterans (who have AS) for Post Traumatic Stress/Shock Disorder (PTSD). But their PTSD was not caused by the Vietnam War. It was caused by school.
The Vietnam Veterans reported the Vietnam War was a ‘breeze’ compared to school. At least during the war they knew who their friends were, who their enemies were, and they had a gun to protect themselves.
‘When I wasn't a target I was a reject. I remember how desperately I used to wish to be part of other children's games where the grass was always greener. I used to wish I could take a bag of marbles to school, join in with the game and come home with more, instead of always losing them all to pirates and con-artists’
Marc Segar. He committed suicide 5 years ago.
In his book ‘Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's Syndrome’, Luke Jackson outlined his experiences of being bullied at school. Luke Jackson attempted suicide by drug overdose, and now has permanent liver damage.
Tony Attwood stated that if adults committed such acts they would lose their job or face criminal conviction for assault. And yet we let kids get away with it.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is a power imbalance, with an intent to harm (physically or emotionally) a target.
Bullying includes:
- Intimidation
- Injury
- Destruction of personal property
- Derogatory gestures and comments
- Mocking
- Humiliation
- Sarcasm
- Malicious Gossip
- Peer shunning or social exclusion
- Teasing and practical jokes
- Stealing a possession and tormenting the child if he/she tries to retrieve it
Where Does Bullying Occur?
- Hallways
- School transport
- During sports
- Locations where the incident is less likely to be detected — where they are no adults present
- Close to home by children of neighbours, family friends and relatives
- Usually occurs with a peer audience or bystanders
AS Responses to Bullying
- Children with AS may have a blank facial expression, so the person taunting them does not realize how upset the child with AS is getting, until the child with AS lashes out.
- A person with AS may try to ignore the bully. Then one day the child with AS cannot take it anymore and they will lash out.
- Neurotypical children will defend themselves. For example, if the teacher says, ‘Did you punch Freddie’, the neurotypical child will say, ‘Yes, but he's been calling me names all day and he stole my lunch money etc etc’
- A child with AS will not defend themselves. For example, if the teacher says, ‘Did you punch Freddie, the child with AS will say ‘Yes’ and nothing more. They will be punished even though Freddie may have been physically and emotionally taunting them for days/weeks/months.
Why Are Children With AS More Likely to be Targeted?
- They are naive, trusting and eager to be part of a group
- Physically weaker
- Show signs of anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Insecure, shy
- Engage in solitary pursuits (predators are more likely to target those who are alone)
- Not successful at sports
- No extensive network of friends
- Less likely to retaliate with anger
- Less likely to be supported by peers.
- Poor social skills. May be perceived as intrusive and irritating by peers and adults
- Socially clumsy, attention seeking or dominating
- Child with AS doesn't recognize when to stop.
- Child with AS may be perceived as eccentric, not ‘cool’
- Not good at characterization skills (eg People with AS cannot judge whether someone is of good character, or a predator).
‘The fact is, at the end of the day, if your speech is odd and posture awkward and you're not even aware of that, only that you know you don't have the “gift of the gab” then the chances are your face is not going to fit. It's like the child with glasses or who is fat, but ten times worse.’
Research in Bullying
A survey conducted in 2002 (Little) found that the rate of bullying for children with AS is 4 times higher than for their neurotypical peers.
Over 90% of children with AS experience being bullied daily.
In neurotypical children, 5% engage in bullying. Bullying actions are covert.
Only 15% of incidences of bullying are observed in the classroom by the teacher, and only 5% in the playground.
The motivation of bullies is complex but includes enjoying power and control, to feel better and create self-esteem and to be ‘cool’.
Bullies lack empathy for the target and tend to defy authority. The bully may have poor social skills but create an entourage of fearful associates as a substitute for real friends.
The bully may do it to be a comedian and to make an audience laugh. The child with AS is the ‘fall guy’.
Those who were the bullies at school, are more likely to have criminal conviction as adults, poor relationships as adults, and more job losses as adults.
The Signs of Being Bullied
The child with AS may not know that they are a target. They are less likely to tell someone about being bullied.
- Physical evidence: lost or damaged possessions, torn clothing
- Medical evidence: bruising and injuries, stomach aches and sleep difficulties
- Increased anxiety
- School avoidance / refusal
- Depression
- Responding violently to teasing or bullying
- A sense of paranoia
- A change in the special interest to weapons and violent films and drawing of retribution and retaliation.
- Mimicking bullying at home with siblings.
The Effects of Being Bullied
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety and depression
- Low academic achievement
- Increased social isolation
As an adult, people with AS will replay the events to try and determine why they were the target and why someone would do that to them. As they reply the scenes, they are replaying the intense negative emotions.
Tony Attwood reported that people with AS cannot forgive or move on with their life until they have closure, and understand why it happened. He stated the effects can last for 10 years or more after leaving school.
Strategies To Decrease The Frequency and Type of Bullying: At School Level
Bullying increases the severity of AS. Therefore anti-bullying strategies can be seen as therapy for children with AS.
It takes a team approach the decrease the frequency and type of bullying (it is impossible to stop it altogether). The team includes: school administration, teachers, professionals, parents, other children, and the child who engages in bullying.
The school should have an agreed code of conduct with a broad definition ob bullying.
There should be in-service training on bullying for staff to include:
- Staff education for consensus and consistency
- One person's entertainment is another person's act of bullying
- Concept of justice and appropriate punishment (eg the child with AS will be punished for punching someone. But if that child provoked it, they too should be punished).
- Degree of responsibility.
- Assessment of all the facts from different sources.
There should be a map made of the safe and vulnerable places at the school. This should be shown to the child with AS.
More safe-havens should be created at the school with appropriate adult supervision.
There needs input from ‘The Silent Majority’ (the children who don't bully):
- Regular meetings to review the code and violations and discuss strategies
- Information on all the consequences for the person who bullies (criminal conviction, job losses and poor relationships as adult) and the victim (depression, anxiety and loss of self-esteem).
- To rescue both parties — rescuing both the victim and the bully.
- By-standers need to be assertive and to intervene.
- There needs to be consequences for NOT intervening. Active encouragement to intervene.
- The child with AS needs a buddy with a social conscience and social status (this will probably have to be engineered by school staff).
Strategies To Decrease The Frequency and Type of Bullying: Child With AS
The child with AS needs to learn to avoid vulnerable situations. Being alone is more likely to attract the attention of predators. Hiding away where adults cannot see what is going on is dangerous.
‘One day things just got too much to bear. I had tried to hide in the changing rooms away from my tormentors — I wish I had written my book then as I would have realized that hiding away is the worst thing to do. These two lads (low-lifes) found me and began toying with me in much the same way as a cat plays with a mouse.
Don't go to a quiet corner somewhere at school breaks. Try to be somewhere safe such as the library. It sounds strange but when you think you are hiding you are most likely to be found and bullied. AS kids are not good at working out how other people think. The best thing to do is stay with your friend if you have one, or at least a place where there are lots of people around’
Strategies to teach the child:
- There is security in numbers
- “Hide” in a group of children or near children and adults
- Supervised activities at breaks such as chess club or going to the library.
- Congregate with like minded peers in the playground (the science club).
- Ignoring bullying will make the situation worse.
- Stay calm
- Have an assertive, true and constructive response eg “I don't deserve this. Stop it.”
- Walk away to a safe area.
- Tell others about it — your parents, your teachers (often children with AS don't tell others).
- Have a grievance book. Writing down what happened can help ‘get it out of your system’.
- Search the internet for literature and strategies.
Other information about bullying
Tony Attwood reported he did not think males with AS should be sent to single-sex schools. He stated males in packs are generally bad news!
Tony Attwood reported females with AS may be better off at single sex schools because they are vulnerable to boys and more likely than neurotypical girls to experience sexual abuse/date-rape.
Other kids may ‘use’ the child with AS to get out of work/exams. For example, other kids may know how to trigger a meltdown in the child with AS. They may trigger the meltdown in the child with AS so exams are postponed.
Kids with AS may misinterpret actions of other children. For example, another child may accidentally trip over and land on the child with AS. Even thought it was a genuine accident, the child with AS may think it was done with malicious intent and lash out/hit out.
Sometimes gestures of affection are seen as gestures of aggression by the child with AS. For example another child may try to hug the child with AS, but because it hurts (due to sensory issues) the child with AS interprets this as aggression.
Note, Tony Attwood report punishment of the children with AS will make them more oppositional. If you want to change their behaviour, you need to use logic.
Unfortunately bullying can continue into the workplace.
Resources
‘No Fishing Allowed’ by Carol Grey
Bullying kit: http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.html?product_id=1481
Teacher's manual: http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.html?product_id=1482
Student's workbook http://www.bookinhand.com.au/catalogue.html?product_id=1483
‘Perfect Targets: Asperger's Syndrome and Bullying’ by Rebekah Heinrichs
http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Targets-Bullying-Practical-Solutions-Surviving/dp/1931282188
